Personal Testimony...From persecutor to persecuted, my cross to bear.

Let me be honest with everyone... I used to persecute the GLBT community, I mean really spew hateful stuff about them based on what I was taught in my childhood church. I battled so long with myself...sleeping with men - even getting pregnant in hopes of having a child and getting married (even got engaged) so that I would "not like women" but that didn't work. I've prayed about it...I've asked God to take it away...when I initially came out I even went back to dating an old boyfriend just to try to please those around me...it didn't work. I was miserable...I have admired, loved, and thought beautiful the female form since I was able to recognize the difference between a woman/girl - man/boy, I am who I am I don't need science to prove that.

I was the one that was supposed to be the "pastors wife" the "first lady of the church"...I was in the process of training to be ordained, building my own ministry, and serving as a youth leader in a Charlotte church when I came out...once I was exposed...it was snatched away. When I returned to Houston, where I had helped build the flourishing youth ministry and done even more in the ministry, again I was exposed by someone in the church and again, it was snatched away. So you know what I did? I ran... I became upset and indignant with God and the church and I said, if God don't love me...I don't love Him....see I had been told long ago (around six years old) by a preacher that God had something in me...but the enemy wanted it…and I would either do something REALLY great for God or really terrible for the devil.... well at this point I figured I was going to do something really terrible for the devil since God didn't want me.

I reveled in sex -I was a hedonist...I lived for pleasure and anything that made me feel pleasure - Xanax, Liquor, and Ecstasy were my drugs of choice because they always led to sex - I was addicted to the pills, the liquor, and the sex. I could easily manipulate (as Jezebel), seduce, and summon anything or anyone I wanted and I did. I got into witchcraft at an early age - got out - but went back, I threw sex parties and encouraged girls under my influence to have sex in front of groups of people and/or strip all for my entertainment - although I wouldn't do these things - I had no problem exploiting others who were easily led. I even went as far as to set up an escort service and along with a friend, interviewed, advertised and promoted these women. I was proud to call myself the female madam and I aspired to be a voudoo priestess...at one time a bride of satan - yes y'all I was gone, I was totally against God.

I went through a period of hearing God calling me back, telling me He never shunned me, how He loves me and still has work for me but in my prejudice against myself I said NO, you can't use me I'm GAY and I wanna stay that way. I self-medicated and for a period of time, I was in a haze of marijuana, liquor and prescription pill cocktails...I even had to put liquor in my morning slushies’, pop pills and have a marijuana break during lunch just to make it through the day! I popped no less than three pills and smoked no less than 5 blunts a day. Oh yes I was gone... had tons of "friends" and "fans" and "admirers" but I was miserable. When God has called you - you can't live outside of Him and still be happy, you just CAN'T.

One day, in the midst of the lowest point of my life as I was wallowing in my misery God came to me and said, "I never told you I didn't love you, THEY DID and you ran from Me". He started to draw me back into Him and little by little He cleaned me up.
The stronger I became in Him, the more He revealed to me..."I know who you are...I created you this way.... why are you running from me? Furthermore, why are you running from THEM? Who are they that they have any authority to throw you out of My Church? I called you, you have a work to do, do it - I called you as you are...do it." When I stopped listening to man and began to seek God for myself in regards to my sexual orientation, I found that God was not as focused on this area of my life as everyone else. Now He did tell me to cut the fornication, He certainly is NOT pleased with that no matter how we try to spin it - but my love for the woman in my life, to that, He didn't even blink His eye.

He reminded me, some are created this way for a purpose (Key word SOME, not everyone who is gay was created this way but that’s another lesson)- you my dear have been so that you could go out among them like Paul (Saul) who preached to the gentiles and teach my salvation. As He revealed this to me I looked back over my life at the things I had done and I realize now how everything set me up for the calling God has on my life which is to teach, encourage, love and share the truth of Christ and His salvation with those who have been told they are unworthy of God's love - primarily the GLBT community and I will do it.

So why did I share this today? I shared this to show you all that no matter how far you have come from God, He can and will use you if you come back to Him with a pure heart and let Him work; and also, to show you that out of all the things I’ve done in my life – being gay is the LEAST of my sins…I have torn down women with my reckless actions…I was abused relentlessly as a child and I in turn grew up and abused women in a different way but it was abuse nonetheless…. How awesome is God to call one out that once tore down the GLBT community and hated women to be a restorer of the very things I damaged. God is AWESOME!

I encourage you – don’t allow the enemy to make you feel as though you are less than because of your orientation and no longer are we to sit in the back of the church hiding who we are, our families, our partners because others are prejudice. Now true, we should be mindful of how we present ourselves in the face of those who believe we are condemned, so as not to lead them into sin (1 Corinthians 8:13, Romans 14:21, 2 Corinthians 6:3). It is time for us (GLBT Christians) to stand up and come out of the shadows and into the light God is calling us to and how do we stand?

In love, speaking truth, using the word of God to combat the hate and condemnation of the enemy and remaining in God through prayer, study, and love in all that we do. The time is now family…you’ve seen my testimony (and that was just the tip! If I really get into it, I’d write a whole book) so if God can use me and give me the courage to go out and make disciples of those who have been told they are unworthy, how much more will He do the same for you? Don’t be shame- LET YOUR LIGHT SHINE BEFORE MEN THAT THEY MAY SEE YOUR GOOD DEEDS AND WORSHIP THE LORD YOUR GOD! Matthew 5:16 Selah.

The Lord led me to share this, someone will be blessed I pray. My apologies for the length, I tried to shorten it as much as I could.

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