Dear Abba....

Dear Abba (Father God),

Yesterday evil struck and it struck without caution, care, or concern. The enemy is so mad right now because he knows the time is near and his time is short…. so he’s determined to take as many people down with him as he can. I sat and watched the news yesterday, all I could think about was the little bodies, the little fingers…toes… faces….

I used to teach children in Pre-K, Kinder, 1^st, 2^nd grade, I still remember their little voices and faces….the bubbly smiles and running into the classrooms each morning with expectations of safety and love. The most children fear are boogy men under their beds and in the closets, or someone stealing their juice box or favorite crayon…or even worse – a time out during recess…lol.

But in this day, this age….children fear much worse. Much, much worse.

I lay awake last night just thinking and thinking of the families- those mommies and daddies – sitting waiting to hear their child had been identified, knowing their child was no longer here, but still having to sit and wait – until it was “official”. Many parents knew it to be official after showing up at the fire station and watching numerous families being reunited with their children except them….as the horror set in that their children were among those who had been taken home to a place of peace where no one could harm them – their worlds (the parents) became filled with horror and hell.

I think of the teachers and administrators who stood in the face of violence, thinking of the children first – and sacrificing their lives….their families filled with devastation as they learned their family too, would not be coming home. Instead, they died protecting [or attempting to protect] the very children they loved and doted on. Who knew on that day, when they walked into Sandy Hook that morning, it would be the last time they would…..

It’s a hard pill to swallow Father, as people begin to ask “why” and “how could You let this happen”. They always blame You after the fact when You’ve been here all along begging, warning, literally urging people unto You. Of course these children had nothing to do with anything, they were innocent lives lost at the hands of another child – yes child – who was obviously without peace in his own life. While I am sure You welcome all those who turn to You during this time….I know You’d much rather all had turned before such innocence was lost in this world. It’s a very sad thing to know our nation must be rocked by such senseless and tragic violence before people stop and begin to think about You.

Yesterday I watched as the bandwagon parade started, everyone became a spiritual/biblical/prayer expert for about 1-2 hours….then as the evening went on, people began to get back to their regularly scheduled programs as if nothing had happened. This morning, for some, You’d think nothing ever happened at all. Where’s the compassion?

I know, we can’t dwell on the situation forever but you remind us during times like these, we should mourn with those who mourn out of deep compassion – empathy – out of a spirit of love. I was so shook to the core that I couldn’t focus on anything else yesterday…even in my dreams were the babies…the families…. But the masses go on…today they continue their holiday parties, shopping, travel, and other insignificant plans as if nothing ever happened. Furthermore, of the masses that posted about You yesterday and all we should do….today You are back on the back burner – tucked away until the next big tragedy or personal need arises at which that time, You’ll be pulled out and paraded around like a prized possession. Everybody loves You, so they say, but most of us sure have a funny way of showing it.

I know You’ve been preparing me, not only me but all of us who seek You diligently, for these coming days. You’ve been warning me so much over these past few weeks but to see it unfold is truly horror…As soon as the reports started to come out, I thought of Jeremiah and the chapters you had me reading and Isaiah the promises You made. I trust You Lord but I am very honest in saying this time, this day in age, is surely terrifying and my heart cries out to you for comfort and strength – not only for myself but for all Your children – and even more so for the families affected by the evil that dwells here.  

People pray for “peace on earth” and peace will come but certainly not to this earth. Those who worship You in spirit and truth know that peace is reserved for the new heaven and the new earth for a time after Christ returns and the final battle has been fought and we all have been judged according to our works and deeds. Until then, we will be surrounded by chaos in a world that both celebrates and welcomes it….until it harms someone – then we all want to ask “why”.

I’m sure some right wing nuts will come out and find a way to blame this on “gay marriage” and “American’s treatment of Israel” and other reasons to make them feel better about themselves but to be honest, this country has been going to hell in a hand basket long before any of these issues came to light. We’re greedy, we’re selfish, we’re arrogant and prideful. We take You out of the schools, break down Your commandments from capitols, and anyone who speaks about You and disagrees with mainstream views is considered a “zealot” who is “out of touch” with the “times”. And then, when children are killed we ask, Lord help us. Mmph, America.

We have a long history of blood on our hands, heads, and greed in our hearts. We help “others” but we don’t do nearly as much as we could – certainly evident by the recent elections and people debating over having to pay more to take care of “poor” people – classifying them all as lazy bums who just want a handout – but isn’t that what Your children are called to do? We want to lock our borders down to all foreigners – even those who really are seeking refuge and a better life from third world countries that suppress and harm them – as if we ourselves are not all foreigners to this land, stolen from the Indians who were here before us. Did you not call us to care for the strangers in the land to show them the love of God as You have shown us? I am sure You did…I am sure You did.

When September 11, 2001 happened, the world was at Your feet. Then life got back to normal and people got back to themselves, forgetting You. In more recent days, we’ve seen mass shootings for what seems like every month…more in this year than I’ve ever seen in my life time….one would think, we would have been more vigilant and turned back to You before this…but as time goes on, people forget about the families, the victims, the cities, the pain and they move on…we’re all some bandwagon jumpers, we can’t stay focused and really bring any real healing and help to the communities because we don’t stay with one long enough to see it through. I remember the Aurora Colorado shooting….but I can’t say I’ve heard much about it since that fateful night…the mall shooting Tuesday, which could have been worse had You not seen to it the gun would jam. I’m sure this school shooting may have been worse had You not seen to it the SWAT teams, Law enforcement, and brave teachers, students, and any others who helped reacted as quickly as they did.

I know many will ask why didn’t You just stop it Lord, why didn’t You warn us, something? Even I sat yesterday and asked, why the innocent people Lord, why not go after evil people doing evil things? Why come after innocent people who are going about their days unprepared to defend themselves…and in this case, babies who have no idea how and no power to defend themselves from such a horrific attack. How do You explain to a mother that God will comfort you as she asks why didn’t God save my child? How do you offer prayer to someone who yells back at you I don’t want your prayers I want my baby back? And honestly, I can’t answer those questions…nothing I say will be a good enough answer to suffice or explain because I don’t know and can’t know – who understands the mind of God….but I know what You did tell me: (Click here to read next post).