Missing without Action....?

Women, men and children are missing and the law allows require a 48 hour waiting period before anything serious can be done. Even then,with the relaxed way missing adult cases are handled many of them remain unsolved.  I was horrified at how LONG the missing persons log was in the State of Virginia alone ( and that was just for those 18 and younger)!

What are we doing? Since when did the sudden disappearance of a person become dependent upon the age, race, and social status of the missing? Should not any case of missing persons – at least when the family can verify that this is NOT normal behavior for the missing party- be handled with the utmost urgency? Or, should we all take the law into our own hands and become responsible for our own families, friends and communities? 

I think it sad many of us can walk by a missing persons flyer and never take a look. We ignore them, look right through them, or catch a glimpse in passing and immediately forget. I don’t know if this is because we refuse to look because we can’t handle it, or if we just refuse to look because we are all so caught up in our own drama.

----- But, when a person goes missing and a fellow man is hurting, is it not our responsibility to drop what we are doing and help – both the missing and the hurting? If it were our family, would we not desire the same? 

Sometimes you have to reach a hand to those in need. THE YOUNG LADY INITIALLY FEATURED IN THIS POST HAS SINCE BEEN FOUND.

Artifically Fabulous? Part 2

 Photo of me without artificial add-ons - well except the chemicals that straighten my hair (at the time I was still addicted to the perm)

Now do not get me wrong. I am not saying that we should not take pride in our appearance or that there is anything wrong with paying for products that make you look nice or ENHANCE your beauty! Keyword – ENHANCE; but if it takes an entire beauty department to get your ready in the morning and your beauty routine is more like a chore than a simple process, then there is an issue.  If your beauty process makes you look like you go through an extreme makeover every morning – then there is an issue! There are too many of us who have to “put our face on” before we go out in the morning, which is a sad statement in itself. It is as if you are saying, “Without these products I have no face”; your face is one of the most recognizable parts of your body, it, in a way, defines who you are! If you have to “put on a face” then what exactly, do you become when you go home and take it off?  Kinda makes you wonder.  :/ Do you really know whom you think you know? 

It took me a minute to rid myself of the insecurities brought on by my foolish actions… and for a while there I fancied myself after a simple plain Jane – I didn’t want the attention because I didn’t feel I deserved it but even in my “plain” attitude I was appealing to some. This is when I realized that my beauty, my true beauty, was not measured by how much my outfit was worth or how often my hair was done – but instead how I felt about myself. You see, when I finally accepted that I was pretty, not fat but definitely not skinny, with thick wavy curly hair and large breast that made my back seem wide and a boxed shape I was then able to appreciate my beauty for what it was! It is unique; it is different, hell it makes people that normally don’t go for a girl like me make an exception – because my beauty is just that striking. But it’s not all about the outer beauty – it is the INNER beauty that shines through and makes me stand out. 

To be truly fabulous is to be comfortable with who you are, accept your beauty however unique and different it may be and then to fall in love with yourself and the gifts and talents that make you who you are. That in itself allows you to take the focus off what you DO NOT look like and allows you to appreciate what you DO look like. With this knowledge, instead of covering up what you do not like, you have the confidence to change it, FOR YOU – nobody else. It also allows you to enhance that that you do like but without overdoing it. Sure, you may still get your hair done but you do not see the need for a $500 wig that [many times] ends up looking worse than your hair would have in the first place. (I am not judging, I am just saying! I used to spend tons of money on a wig only for it to go bad in about 3 months-even with proper care, don’t front.) You realize that every mask has to come off so I need not false advertise in public…if people can’t accept you without all the pomp and circumstance then they probably aren’t accepting you in the first place – their just accepting your image. 

These days I feel as though I look the best I ever have…even better than I did when I was a size nine and in the beauty shop/nail shop every two weeks and couldn’t beat a date away with a stick. My phone may not ring off the hook, compliments may not roll overflow in my inbox like they did when I was an artificial but when I look in the mirror  I SEE ME, clearly and I embrace her and I love her without reservation or hesitation and she and I have become BEST FRIENDS.  We both think it best to keep the artificial additions to a minimum and anyone who does not like it …well, there loss, not mine.  Being artificial costs too much…and I do not [just] mean financially.

You’re beautiful, embrace it, enhance it, love it!

Artificially Fabulous? Part 1

Is it possible to be naturally fabulous in a superficial world?

 Before and After:Tyra Banks

People act like she's soooo horrid without make-up when she looks like allot of women I've seen around the neighborhood...what makes her so ugly without the artificial add-ons?

Take a look around you look at all the women and men you see at your job, in the streets, in the local stores – how many of them appear naturally beautiful? I’m not talking about natural as in: no toothpaste, deodorant, and soap products [I’m not that liberal!] but more so, I roll out of bed, take the necessary care of washing my body, brushing my teeth, combing my hair and dressing myself without all the extra add-ons that are supposed to make me “appealing” to the public. True you may find quite a few people who seem to be natural but even they are [now] pressured into fad diets, skin creams, body softeners, and hair dyes. To be honest, these days it is almost impossible to know what is real and what’s fake…. That gorgeous date you met in the club, looked great with her $500 Lace front, $100 in MAC products on her face, her $300 shoes and $250 mini dress but what will she look like in the morning? 

I will not lie and say that I have not looked at those beauties with envy myself and thought, GOSH, if only I could look like that! When I couldn’t afford it, I’d BECOME the “knockoff” version buying fake versions of high end products and turning my nose up at other girls with knockoffs as if I were something better – truth was, my act was just better, and even then I had the advantage, theater had always been my passion. :/ No wonder I was such an ugly girl! I was ungrateful for the natural beautify that God had blessed me with and I lusted to be them, whoever they were.   In me, I carried both shame and arrogance, in private, I felt disgraced and unworthy and in public, I presented a confident “FABULOUS” girl… I would argue [internally] that I only felt this way because I was pretending, once I could afford the real stuff, I would feel better because I would be on THEIR level! …and that day came… and I felt like ‘something’ [although I’m not sure what] - every time I put on my costume I instantly became “Fabulous” and I played my part, WELL.

However, I was still a knockoff. Just an imitation of a combination of women I would meet throughout my life. I would study their mannerisms, styles, attitudes, even hair color/styles (Oh un-frown your face, what human has not?) and I would mesh them together to form the perfect woman – or so I thought. Truth is, I was so screwed up I could not keep up with all the characters – more less find the real ME in all of it. And as my life changed, so did my resources, I found myself unable to maintain the expensive salon trips, make-up prices,  bi-weekly mani/pedi treatments and even keeping my most beloved personal products on deck more less maintain my wardrobe! Now I was exposed as the artificial infiltrator that I was and, well, once you are exposed – the other ‘artificials’ turn on you in an effort to protect their artificiality. It is a terrible/horrible mess what they do to you once you are exposed, it really snaps you into a harsh reality of what you had become and how damaging was to your spirit and your natural God given beauty. 

You wake up one morning and all you have are the bare minimums so you brush your teeth, wash your face, comb your natural hair and look down at the un-manicured nails before looking back up at your plain face. You see a horrific sight – not that you truly are – but because this is what you’ve reinforced to yourself over and over again. Every time you torture yourself with long make-up sessions, burn your scalp with chemical perms before baking it under a dryer, and/or subject yourself to ripping hair from your body just so your face and private areas can be “smooth” – you remind yourself that the real YOU, is NOT good enough for the public. Maybe close family members and friends who are just dropping by the house but even then that is rare. WOW. Think about that. NO, NO, STOP – THINK ABOUT IT. 

In fact, I'll give you a break to do just that .... end pt. 1. 

Three Minutes of Self Destruction: Whatever happened to TRUE beauty?

In three minutes a woman‘s confidence can be completely destroyed if she doesn’t understand her value.  All she has to do is sit through a session of television commercials. 

I just watched three minutes of commercials that told me every single area of my body was WRONG. During these three minutes, I was told:

• ·       I need to lose weight  and drop to AT LEAST a size six to be considered ‘beautiful’

• ·         I need to purchase special food, exercise programs and pills from diet companies because – well face it, I have been fat this long, who am I kidding thinking I can lose weight on my own.

• ·         I need to buy an eye cream to get rid of the dark circles under my eyes (or prevent them from emerging if I do not have them (key word) YET

• ·         I need to tighten my skin with age defying products and even if I don’t have wrinkles, I will, so I should start now

• ·         Whatever I do, I should NEVER, EVER, think it is okay to wear my natural hair if I have black skin because well… who wants to wear that nappy stuff?

• ·         …and if I MUST wear my natural hair, I better invest in some kind of creamy chemical crack to straighten those roots because LORD FORBID… a hair should curl up around the edge and make me look “ethnic”.

• ·         I am cute (kinda :/)… BUT if I want to be a “cover girl” I should buy tons of makeup to gloss over my skin so that I can look my BEST (because of course my best couldn’t possibly be me au natural)

• ·         Speaking of my skin, I need Proactive, SkinID, SkinRx… anything to clear up my uneven skin tone, dark spots, and any pimples that may pop up.

• ·         My underwear can’t be sexy because a girl my size shouldn’t wear lingerie – at least that’s what I gather from the commercials since all the models they use are 00-XS but

• ·         If my underwear is not sexy like the Victoria secrets model…well… that is my fault because I should go back to the first point on the list, and if it IS sexy like the Victoria secrets model… no one wants to see me in it anyway… again – that’s why all the models are a 00-XS so I should probably go to the Avenue, Lane Bryant, or some place with a “Good Bra” and a nice “Covering Panty”

• ·         My gap is NOT sexy and my teeth couldn’t possibly be clean enough so I should get veneers…OH and last but not least,

• ·         Because of my height, I cannot possibly be confident, feel sexy, or be successful so I need to purchase these new shoe lift things to give me an extra 3 inches so that I can be and feel “better”.

…and I wonder why I am so crazy about my looks… According to society, [indirectly] nothing about me is beautiful at all, whatever happened to genuine beauty? When did all women have to become size 6 or below, fair skin, straight hair, with a "gap" between their legs and color over thier eyes in order to be considered beautiful. What's worse... when did we start to accept this?

The sad thing is, even when we get a beautiful, natural haired double digit sister on the scene she eventually becomes invisible under the pressure of society and is forgotten just as quickly as she was celebrated. That is, unless she reemerges as her "new self" to encourage all the other double digit sisters to join her on this life changing mission while trying to sugar coat it with the "I was beautiful before I lost the weight, changed my hair, got new makeup and an entire team of stylist -  but now I just feel so much....better...sexier... hotter.. healthier" however you put it..it still sounds like "I'm better because I don't look like that anymore"... not a very good message to those who still "look like that". No wonder we're all crazy.

Thank God for SELF confidence... meanwhile, I'm going to turn off the television.

Pick your battles...not my nerves....

In this life I have learned there battles, distractions and wars - we have to know which we need to waste our energy on. I learned through bible study,"if it doesn't effect our purpose there's no need to entertain" - reason: because it is a DISTRACTION to get you off the course of reaching your greater purpose. 

I try to practice this philosophy throughout my life but of course it isn't the easiest thing to do. There are times when I see something or hear something that makes me want to snap and instantly become the girl I once was.... uncouth, callous and vicious with words. I pray a lot and even have taken people looking at me as if I were a pushover and "soft" because I do let a lot of things slide.... and then there are days where I am in rare form and some people can and will see a different side of me. 


A lot of people use the internet to flex their muscles, some use it to vent, and  still others become instant hardcore gangsters truth is...everyone on the internet is creating the image they want although some people control it better than others. I am who I am all day, everyday, internet or no internet and that's how I've always been. Yes, I study my word daily and try my best to stay the encouraging one but at times I fail and that is why I continuously pray and stay in my devotion...it's also another reason I choose my associates wisely because allowing the wrong people into your life can bring out sides of you that you've worked hard to dismiss.

 Lately, I've run across tons of people that my fiancee and I have both tried to help - people we've opened our homes, wallets and hearts to only for them to return the favor by giving us their naked a** to kiss. People have lied on us, about us and to us and for the most part I've held my peace but eventually enough is enough.

I've played the bad girl role... I know how to "act a fool" and "give someone the business" but it's not necessary to flex my muscles and affirm to the world what kind of strength I have because unlike those who must "show off" I can sit back and smile at the silliness. Honestly, people would be better off going after the Taliban than trying to come at me or my fam - they'd probably have a better chance at winning the war. While we definitely don't start stuff - we can and will finish it and then thank the offender for their time. :)

I don't even know why I've said all this...guess just trying to blow off some steam - well no... also to encourage those who are trying to get out of the drama and remove themselves from the negativity to "PICK YOUR BATTLES AND WARS WISELY" !  Don't waste your breath or energy on someone whose actions don't affect your family, your well being, your safety and your purpose on this earth because you will look back and realize that you've only played into their game and the energy you spent reading them could have been used to advance yourself...even if it was just a minute, they didn't deserve it and if they haven't anything but drama to offer you they don't deserve to be in your life either. Furthermore, if they aren't on your level don't even entertain them or argue with them...as my momma used to tell me "If you argue with a fool,  a person on the outside can't tell whose who because you both look like idiots."  So the same can be said for messy people... because at the end of the day everyone involved looks "messy".


The reality is, most people who slander and cut you down only do so because they feel bad about themselves and their situations; many of them are also jealous, but instead of using that energy to advance themselves so maybe they can get on your level they waste their time hating on people who are so far above them that they don't even realize they are being hated on - that is until they reach down to try and give one of the ungrateful minions a hand. It's people like that who will smile at your and welcome you and then as soon as you walk out the door they will spit and curse the ground you stood on. Don't even set yourself up - when they show you their truth, believe them and then run fast as hell and exit stage left like an addict being released from rehab on free crack Fridays! Yes it is that serious!


The moral of the story? Pick your battles, know your distractions and most importantly don't let people feed you any old lie and think its the truth! And if by chance you DO pick a battle...make sure it's one you can actually win....peace... love.... and karma! ;)


~Signing off, 
Ms.Marij

Introducing Ms.Mari

I used to be "That Bitch" I did what I want, went where I wanted and refused to answer to anyone. Needless to say that life failed me, I ended up isolated and alone, lost everything I had and was living from pillar to post trying to figure myself out. It was difficult but it was a lesson I needed to learn. In the past I hurt a lot of people with my actions, attitude and words and I have learned from that... and I have become a better person. My goal in life now is to encourage other women where I was not encouraged. I want to help other women realize their value and worth and understand the damage they do when they slander/attack and degrade other women.

I'm also a lesbian woman whose faced discrimination from family, friends and even strangers because of my sexuality. So I fight for equality - I don't promote my sexuality but I DO promote basic human rights. I don't agree with the so called "Gay Agenda" to push our sexuality on children and teens; I also don't agree with people who are gay because it's "popular"; but, I am tired of people in my community being condemned and committing suicide because a few people feel they have the right to police everyone's moral values. I love God and I have a serious relationship with Him but I do not identify with a specific religion because I believe religion is one of the reason so many people shun God. I believe in love, peace, kindness, humility, compassion, a gentle spirit and all things good... I also believe in the greater good of mankind and that love will prevail and evil will fall.

I'm ambitious (some people say too ambitious)and a perfectionist. I love to be original and HATE to be imitated (no I'm not flattered I'm offended) and most importantly I am a Lady of my word. I write for entertainment, educated, awareness, laughs, enlightenment and also to vent so some of my post may be formal and serious while others may be informal and silly...just depends on my mood. Either way, I'm a sweet girl follow me, get to know me, love me! :)